Saturday, August 24, 2013

Terrific Tooth Fairy Nonsense

What with my creativity, craftiness, and can't-say-no disorder, many of you out there might think I'm a Super Mom, cape and all. But the truth is, I'm just super good at convincing a super number of my friends and family that I'm something other than a super flop. Case in point: The Toothfairy.

It may come as no surprise to some of you that my oldest daughter has been losing teeth. You would think that I would be ready for this exciting time in her life. I have plenty of scrapbook papers ready to scrapbook the loss of teeth. And her first tooth was very exciting. But I wasn't exactly ready.

This first tooth of my first born was loose for a few days and many of my experienced mothers-of-tooth-losing-kids friends said I would have at least a few weeks if not a month before that first tooth finally took it's plunge from depths of her gums. I was very excited for this event and started thinking of all the fun things the Tooth Fairy could do. When my darling daughter lost that first tooth we were both caught unawares. I had done one thing-purchased a movie I intended to give to the whole family...before this whole tooth thing started. So when, at breakfast one morning, my daughter was choking down her Eggo and inadvertently, her first baby tooth (oops), I wasn't quite ready for the Tooth Fairy action. She was so disappointed about swallowing her tooth (and my roaring laughter at this realization) that I felt the need to go a little overboard. You know, to compensate for my winning mother-of-the-year response to her horror, my laughter, and my lack of preparedness.

So I set about on a task. I wrote a letter from the Tooth Fairy explaining that it was okay that she swallowed that first tooth, it still counted, and that her first tooth was a very exciting moment of growing up (even though her father could not find it in the toilet--trust me...a story for another day). Because of this big move towards growing up she would get a one time special gift (the aforementioned movie) that she could share with her family and friends along with a gold dollar. The letter had neatly burned edges and was tied in a roll with twine, there was water left out with glitter (from her wings, duh), a little jar with that gold coin to replace what should have been her tooth, and the movie. All this was piled perfectly on the cleaned table along with some glitter to show where she come in and out of the house. She was thrilled. I took many pictures (for those scrapbook pages).

Fun, right?

Crazy, right? awesomeness stopped on that day. Her next tooth fell out before I had anything ready for her. Then I remembered a $2 bill that I'm sure someone else had given her but she had long forgotten so that got thrown in the jar after forgetting to do it for a few days. On only her second tooth!! She was less than impressed. Where was her new movie? I then referenced the long forgotten, carefully worded first letter. She moved on.

I was determined not to forget the rest of them. That was a major let down to something I had waaaaay overdone originally, yes, but could not go back on now. I went to the bank and exchanged a $20 bill for a stack of gold dollars. I was ready. The next few teeth fell out and I remembered the glitter but forgot the gold dollars. She ended up with a handful of change and even that recycled $2 bill once again snuck past this poor unsuspecting child. Most of them were not even done the same night as the loss of the particular tooth! (I mean seriously, why haven't I won that so coveted award all us mothers talk about? I'm totally mother-of-the-year material.)

Let's fast forward to my daughters latest loss. She mentioned the loose tooth. I saw the loose tooth. She wiggled the first tooth. Within a few days it went from nothing to "Mom, look?" "Wow", I thought to myself, "time to get that Tooth Fairy thing ready to go." I looked at the tooth she was wiggling at my friends house and said, "Another day or two and that will be out."

Yeah...she had it in her bloody fingers a few minutes later. Ewwww..."Ummmm," I said so wisely, "your hands are bleeding, I mean, your tooth has blood on your hands." She smile with blood stained teeth trying to explain what had just happened. "Uh huh. Let's clean that up and stop the bleeding in your mouth." I mean seriously, why don't I have that award?!!

So now my daughter gets her own jar down from a very high spot that she could not possibly reach and my middle child proceeds to tell me how it was done before I cut her off and tell her I prefer not to know. I mean, I'm clearly going to forget again so my wise daughter had to take matters into her own hands. She puts her tooth in there. Draws an adorable picture, asks for sparkly pens (for the wings, duh) and goes to bed happy.

I sit down on the couch and my husband and I catch up by reading sarcastic humor and laughing. He heads to bed and I make my way there with my computer, still reading things that make me laugh. As I'm lying in bed I remember the Tooth Fairy. CRAP!!! Guess what? I honestly almost scrap it. "Honey, don't be upset. Sometimes the Tooth Fairy is so busy she just can't make it to all the houses in one night. This tooth fell out before she expected and it wasn't on her 'to-do' list for last night." I honestly debate it and then realize I was going to do better this time. So, up I get...husband sawing logs and all. And as I'm frantically looking for that glitter that I obviously hid from myself when I rearranged my scrapbook things, the missing bag of gold coins (really? a whole bag missing?) I think, "How in the world has this intelligent soul not figured out this is a bunch of crap?! I've let it slip a number of times that it's not real thanks to "The Rise of the Guardians" movie. I'm not doing this!" Then I turn on my poor unsuspecting husband, "I should yell at him and wake him from his needed rest to help me find some things that are not going to be found by tomorrow." Then I think of a better solution.

All my daughter really wants is money. It doesn't matter the form so I rustle up some change and throw it in the jar. Then I take some Christmas cookies sprinkles (green and red) and sprinkle them about the page. She'll buy that, right? I make a note on the picture that is just oh too cute and a thought occurs to me. I could really have some fun tonight. So, I grab some pretty paper, a nice pen, and I draft a letter. 

Things are written like, “wonderful tooth, appreciate the water, long flights” and then the best part is written: “This page gives you one coupon to a free play time with your Daddy and sisters. Blah blah blah…Have fun!”

I chuckle in delight. This is what happens in the Tomka family when you sleep through the hard work. The Tooth Fairy is awesome because she gives this wonderful little girl a special gift in return for the wonderful picture. Fun times with Daddy (and her sisters—see how I snuck that in?). And…the best part is the Tooth Fairy rewards Mommy for all her innovative hard work. I mean, come one! This is going to be one epic morning (and some wonderful, undisclosed afternoon for Mommy). Seriously…who wants that Mother-of-the-year award anyway? I've got Wife-of-the-year in the bag!!

Well played, Tooth Fairy, Well played.